for a very special birthday

today the kids and i were on birthday duty because andrew is one year older!  after stella's ballet class downtown we headed to the plaza to pick up a few gifts we knew our most favorite person would love.  a vampire weekend album, a new chambray button down, some old school lollies, and a charming little tie for work.  we headed home to wrap them and make homemade cards and one fabulous birthday cake.  but not just any birthday cake.  a funfetti one, personally detailed by stella all by herself.  ahem...take a peek at the middle of the cake. her accidental/overly excited pour of the sprinkles dead center on said cake looks pretty good if i do say so myself.  and we ran out of frosting because someone thought it would be a really good idea to sample it before spreading it.  silly gal.

if each one of us was a type of birthday cake my husband would be funfetti with extra sprinkles, which is definitely what he got for his twenty eighth birthday.  i suppose i would be just ol' plain vanilla.  maybe with rosemary lemon frosting or something.  stella would be red velvet without a doubt, all dramatic and a bit untraditional in her adorable three year old ways.  and theodore, well he would be rich chocolate, heavy on the sugary sweet frosting.  he's all charm, our littlest.

i cannot wait to see andrew's eyes sparkle when we cut him the first slice and he sees all those pretty colors dotted throughout the white fluff of cake.  i hope it takes him back to his childhood when funfetti was the only way to do a birthday right.  but only after serenading him in our best opera voices, of course.   we will be sure to sing loud and off-key because we love him so.  then we will fill our bellies before supper, because nana and papa are coming over to babysit while the two of us go out for a late birthday meal.  so tonight, cake first.  supper, second.  you know it's a special day for someone you love when things are arranged in that particular order.

happy birthday, andrew! xo

the sweet man i married and their father

i knew when we met back in high school i would marry him.  we were fourteen and awkward and into weird things like popping collars and 50 cent.  aside from knowing he would be the one for me at the end of the aisle, i also knew he would be the best daddy.  a dad like my own.  caring.  sweet.  tender.  goofy.  kind.  eager to hug and help in any way possible.  a silly dancer.  a selfless man putting others before himself always.  a gentle soul.  a real sweetie.

i knew he would give our future babes whisker burns and belly snorts and tickle their ribs until deep bouts of laugher and smiles wider than sunsets would take over the better part of our saturday mornings.  i knew he would call dibs on giving them baths and cuddling them before bedtime.

i knew he would be a daddy who would read the whole book at bedtime and not skip a single page.  he'd be the type of father who would bed down kiss boo boos and the first one willing to scoop up our little ones when they needed a warm cuddle.

and he would be fully present.  always.

i knew i had met someone special.  but to see it in action, to see it right now as it is happening, is something altogether magic before my eyes. simply put,  it is the most beautiful painting my eyes could ever paint.  it fills me and restores me on my cloudiest days.  watching him father our children gives me hope and teaches me gratitude. because of him i am whole.  happy father's day to my love.

for andrew, just because it's thursday and i miss him.

"you are my favorite person in the whole world.  and that includes the imaginary ones."

this is my hubs, walking amidst the dreamy echo of cow bells and rolling jade hills in switzerland, circa 2009.  yeah...pretty amazing stuff, huh?

when i see this picture of him, or any photo of him for that matter, i get completely overwhelmed with a sense of happiness and gratitude that both simultaneously fill me up like an overblown balloon on the verge of popping.  these precious feelings come full force, knocking me over and enveloping every inch of my being on a daily basis, making me feel as though i can't catch my breath.    

looking at this photo on this crazy thursday morning {when i miss my man SO much like i always do mid week} has this same riveting effect.  it's crazy seeing your whole world right there before your very eyes, suspended in time....a beautiful moment completely frozen for me to look at and hold in my hand whenever i so please. 

i cannot help but think...

"everything i love in life is right there, in that little photo.  i mean, right there!  my whole world. {minus sweet stella vivienne, of course}."

it's such a delicately wonderful and astounding thought. 

and sometimes, only sometimes, it causes salty tears to brim, but not quite fall.  never tears of sadness, but tears of sheer thankfulness that life is being beyond kind to me.  those droplets of water not committing to drop, will just sit there, quivering, waiting to see him and feel those arms wrap tightly around what has missed him all day.

husband's birthday weekend!

a certain some spent the wee hours of sunday morning making some art for her most favorite person.  with her chubby fingers wrapped tightly around colored pencils, she drew her little heart out.  i think she did a wicked awesome job, if i do say so myself.  and her dada, well he was beyond smitten with his present.  

happy birthday to our love!  we hope you had a wonderful birthday weekend.  we sure love spoiling you!  

xo, your wifey & miss stella

on hunger and meeting my mister

here's the tale of how i met my mister.  met as in last night, mere hours ago, while it's fresh in my mind and i'm sitting here still feeling like a frivolous school girl.


we switched it up and changed our pace.  the change in our date night evening drifted from our usual rushed polka set to barnyard hoedown throw down, into the beautiful glide of a calming waltz, accompanied by bach and harps.  lots of harps.  that is how we started our evening, or so it felt.


he did not come home right after work; rather, we met there.  there, as in an intangible place in one's heart and mind, but and also an actual location, one with food...


before i bathed the babe, walked the dog, fed the babe, and welcomed the sitter{s}, i got dressed.  laid out on my bed were two items that whispered nostalgic nothings in my ear:  strappy  heels + summer citron skirt.  this was the outfit to meet my mister in.  


as i pulled out of the driveway, all was waveless.  i felt as if i was looking out on to a sea of glass, only to be reminded that it was in fact the ocean by the slow and gentle pull of the placid water towards shore.  the glitter of bubbles reflecting from the sun's rays gave it away.  but in reality, in the middle of this country and nowhere near the spray of sea salt, i was looking at the hot, black pavement.  both dangerous yet soothing forces, the road and the sea.  regardless of the metaphor, i felt peaceful and assured, in a comforted sort of way.  as if i knew what lay ahead because i had already made up my mind that tonight would be wonderful.   


i couldn't recall what he was wearing.  that was part of the thrill.  part of the mystique.  the excitement.  and part of the longing we had to go back in time.  that zestful yearning to feel silly while longing to remember, only for a bit, what it was like when it was just us two.  back when i always met my mister.  


just for a bit now,  ya hear?


just like we used to do, before marriage, before baby, before bills, back when we both drove saturns and got report cards.  the anticipation of seeing him waiting there for me filled with a feeling i have not felt in so long left me hungry.  yes, in an appetite sort of way because i could always eat a horse, but hungry in another way, too.  a much more important hunger that seeped into my being beyond my stomach.  in that moment, i had this voracious appetite to be enclosed in a world where two sets of eyes were locked and where worry was cast aside.  hungry for us time, without the heavy baggage of guilt and regret.


i haven't felt that hungry since, ever.  we haven't had a proper date without feeling contrite {on my part} since ever, too.  ever is a long, long time, you know.


so i met my mister.  we dined, we drank, we shared, we smooched, and we dreamed.  together.  in that bubble, our bubble, until hunger subsided and rapture filled our hearts.


3 hours after having met, another kind of hunger started forming deep within.  we longed to smell that sweet, familiar scent, to feel that soft, strong clutch around our necks, and to see the truest form of ourselves combined in one sweetly innocent babe.  we missed our stella.


so we went home and appreciated life, and our marriage, and our family, feeling rejuvenated and happy.  as i closed my eyes and felt my body sink into the mattress, the hunger was gone. 

dada's day

i love to watch them.  picture this:  me {every night} sitting in the corner of the room soaking it all in, watching him be so gentle with her, making her giggle, with this giddy grin on my face.  the connection these two have is beyond words.  it cannot help but make me fall completely, head-over-heels, in more love with this man.  i love him.  

and i love that the things he and stella do together are such "daddy" things.  things that me, a mama, could never do just right or even get away with.  but that's the way it should be.  

baby girl, i want you to know some of these things that your proud dada does with you that makes him so special and your mama feel forever blessed.

- your dada always checks on you before we head to bed and most times comes back telling me, "you just have to go look at her.  she is so beautiful." he insists we go in and stare at you for a few minutes. we always do.  

- your dada styles your hair in a spiked euro-mullet after every. single. bath.  without fail. we have pictures to document this. 

- your dada gets up with you in the mornings on the weekend and lets mama sleep in after he has worked a long and hard week.  he is so selfless. 

- your dada almost always dresses you in thee only outfit i did not want you to wear that day.  complete with wet hair and a hair bow.  and usually, but not always, whatever you are wearing is too small because he does not want you to wear size 18 months yet.  

- your dada takes you for long walks with leon so mama can cook and have some quiet time.
- your dada ballroom dances with you around our condo.  you always through your head back and laugh uncontrollably as he sings, "la la la la laaaaaa!" 

- your dada has so many little nick-names for you that you respond to.  they are always random and quite adorable.  he calls you "bonkers" about 100 times a day.  i told you they were random. ;)

- your dada has a way of making you forget about everything else when he comes home.  i become an afterthought and your beautiful eyes light up when he comes in to give you a big squeeze!

- your dada is so much better than me when it comes to putting you to sleep.  you prefer him to do it, actually.  it has become part of both of your routines, one that i don't think he will ever want to stop. 

- your dada lets you, and only you, mess up his hair.  we all know how much the man loves his hair... 

- your dada always reads the title, author, AND illustrator when reading you books at night.  i don't know why he does it, but it's so cute!  i love all those cute little things he does. 

these two.  they are my people.  and i love them.  

also, happy father's day to my own wonderful father and father-in-law.  andrew and i look up to both of you and admire each respectively in so many ways.  we hope you have a special day and we are sending hugs your way!

xo, amanda

here is a video stella and i made for our main man as part of his father's day gift.  he is the love of both of our lives and makes us the happiest gals in all the land.   

enjoy!

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