an update from the NICU

here i sit in the NICU, the neonatal intensive care unit.  our sweet theodore is hanging out under the bili lights right now working on his tan and i am leaking quite a bit of milk through my button-up shirt because who cares about bras at this stage in the game.  i sure don't.  if i look to my left, i see little pink toes wiggling under the bright blue lights, and every now and then a whimper.  my husband is to my right, on and off reading/napping.  we are waiting for his next feeding and getting regular updates from his doctors and nurses.  overall, it's pretty quiet, except for the random yet persistent dinging from the array of machines in our room.  i swear one beeps every four minutes or so and we are not allowed to touch them.  when i step outside and hear the birds, their chirps are now accompanied by a rather annoying (and imaginary) "DING!"  

we are missing a very special girl from our now family of four and we feel pretty sad about it.  stella bear has a bad case of allergies that seems to be manifesting into a head cold.  with me pumping around the clock and trying to get theo to breastfeed, i have been here pretty much all the time.  between work appointments and wanting to help me with everything here at the hospital, andrew has been in the middle of this tug-o-war match.  it's been hard on us and is draining.  we miss our girl and want to be with her, too.  she knows that her life is changing and it hurts our hearts to be away from her during this difficult transition.  thank god for our parents that have been helping us out around the clock.  without them, andrew wouldn't be able to be here seeing his little man make improvements or to help me.  it really does take a village and we are accepting all the help we can get right now. 

currently, mister theo is making significant strides in the right direction towards coming home every day.  he started out on a ventilator needing quite a bit of help breathing.  eventually, he wound up needing a c-pap breathing machine and an IV ran through his tiny belly button.  now he is off all breathing aids and is eating my milk for nourishment.  i am making quite a bit compared to last time with stella, and owe it to all of the skin to skin time we are getting.  he does need lights to get his bili levels where they need to be, but in between time spent under there we are able to get cozy snuggle time together.  i cherish those moments like no other.  every chance i get to smell his hair and kiss his forehead is a blessing.  it's like christmas times a million.  

as far as when we will go home i have tried not to think about it.  i've put that question high up on a shelf and am going to leave it there, intentionally neglected.  i remember getting my hopes up with stella so many times, leading to disappointment and frustration.  this time around, i am focusing on the positives that each day brings.  the small milestones that theo makes throughout the day.  this little guy is working so hard and we are beyond proud of him for all he has accomplished in less than a week!  so possibly next week.  possibly not.  i really don't care as long as he is improving with each new day.  oh, theodore louie, we sure love you.  

and some photos of our journey thus far...

 i mean, that hair!  such a little stud already.

 skin to skin = heaven. 

dada read him "the little engine (stella/theo) that could" the other night.  when stella was in the NICU, this was the first book we read to her.  this one just happens to be andrew's from when he was little.  it will always have a lot of meaning to our family.  

 dada's first time holding his little guy. 

 a special visit from big sister!  she could not have been more loving and tender towards him.  she gave him kisses and hugs and loves galore.  

 day four has been a chill day.  lots of napping.  and pumping.

 working on his tan.

more mama bear snuggles after feeding like a champ.