dear stella // almost three

dear stella vivienne,

to my double-stroller riding fanatic and lolli-loving princess.  to my baby who's not so much a baby anymore, but a real big girl.  a girl who will tell you she's big now, but who still wants to be held and cuddled by her mama once or twice a day.  to my girl who, on her own accord, goes on her big girl potty now and wears big girl princess panties...who knows the lyrics and choreography to "let it go" and wants to be just like princess elsa when she grows up.

...to my girl who changes clothes on the upwards of fifteen times a day, layers tutus regularly, has a sleeve of temporary tattoos cascading down her skinny arm, and who almost always has an array mismatched fingernail polish complete with a fuzzy, disheveled top knot on the crown of her head.

to my stella bear and my almost three year old.

you are nearing the sweet age of three and you could not be sweeter or more hilarious.  your days start off with an ardent request for cereal and to "watch a show".  with your pink blankie dragging behind you and your footie pajamas zip up tight, you climb your yellow highchair for breakfast and some peppa pig.  soon after licking the carton of vanilla yogurt and slurping a bowl of "letter cereal" as you call it, you can be found making collections of your things like aerial  from the little mermaid or requesting to go to the park to see your friends.  every little person there is your friend, for you love meeting people and running about the playground with anyone who will oblige.  you are such a darling like that.

every now and then you demand a cape whereupon i take delight in fashioning your blankie in a tight knot around your shoulders so you can "fly" about our home.  you enjoy doing painting projects, warm bubble baths, getting cozy with daddy on the couch, and singing "your songs" of which you have about ten.  the other night after we put you and your brother to bed your dad and i retreated to the living room to watch some netflix.  about an hour or so after tucking you in, i randomly belted the lyrics to "hey brother" (your current favorite tune) without thinking about the repercussions of my actions.  before i could get any more words out you announced your presence to us by saying loudly from your bed, "don't sing dat.  dat's stella's song" and you flung open your bedroom door.  and here we thought you were asleep!  silly girl, you gave us quite a surprise and many long bouts of laughter.  sometimes we see if you are actually sleeping in there by singing a few lyrics to your favorite songs.  if you are awake, you'll come right on out and give us a little sass saying, "no, like this. like this" and sing a lyric or two.  we love it.

this letter would not be complete without a compilation of things you say and how you say them.  you call crocodiles "shock-a-diles" and demand "double lollies" if you go potty in your toilet like a big girl.  you correct us if we swear, which i shall admit is far too often, and you call milk "milky".  if you get a boo boo you request a "ban-jade" and you want us to "wook at it to see if dare's any bwood".  on the way up or down the stairs you always utter "don't get me mom!" as if giving you a little chase will make your day.  i always do.

stella, i feel as though i could go on and on about things you do and say that astonish us.  some days your sincerity and thoughtfulness catch me off guard and leave me there in a teary puddle of thankfulness.  i am beyond grateful that you are my daughter and i get to be your mother.  when i look into those big brown eyes of yours i see so much joy.  so much adventure and beauty.  i am proud of who you are and who you are becoming.  your kindness.  your spirited nature.  your independent will to accomplish anything and everything on your own.  i love it all.

you are nearing three, my dear, and want you to know that at this young age you have taught me more about life and myself than i have learned from any school or lesson.  you have helped grow my wings, shown me grace and patience, and given me countless moments happiness.

i love you,

your mama

dear stella // 26 months

dear stella, 

as i lay here in bed with little bear on in the back ground and you feeding your babies raisin bran crunch, something quite fantastic has dawned on me: you are 26 months old today and i am 26 weeks pregnant this week!  ok.  so it's not a mind blowing revelation, but is it kind of neat, no?  

so this whole crazy number coincidence got me thinking about you, my now 26 month old, and how far you have come since you were a week babe.  which does make me sad but we will not dwell on that part.  

you are growing like a weed in both mind and body these days.  every day we are taken aback by the things you surprisingly know, say, and understand.  just this morning you told me "good job, mama!" after i told you i finished my breakfast.  it's like you jumped through a magic hoop and turned twenty one or something.  minus the need to binge drink, of course.  

sadly but truthfully, we tend to forget some of the beautiful memories that spring forth from the rays of sunshine you bring throughout the day.  so i've written some here!  they are sealed tight in our online time capsule, waiting for you to come take a peak and giggle. 

- each morning when you wake up you need milk.  you call it "nilk".  and when you are done with that, you want breaky with mama.  you love oatmeal which you call "meal-meal."

- coloring on your easel is one of your favorite past times.  you enjoy using a wide variety of colors and then lining them up in a beautiful rainbow row.  this artistic activity can keep you occupied for well over a half an hour. 

- your favorite animals are lions and bears.  you call lions "lynons" and bears "bear hugs."  your dada taught you what a bear hug is and now you demand them several times throughout the day and most definitely at bedtime.  we adore it. 

- bath time is known as "bubbles" around these parts. 

- chica chica boom boom & itsy bitsy spider are your favorite books right now.  we read about three or four books to you before bedtime.  you like sitting on our laps and flipping the pages with us.  sometimes i make a little book fort for us in the corner of your room and we read the afternoon away.  

- trader joes has you very smitten because of their free stickers.  you play with them the whole way home and request them as soon as we pull into the parking lot. 

- you could eat pasta all day every day.  you love it.  and pizza, too.  well aren't you are little carboholic!  

- you talk with a lisp.  i can't handle the cuteness of it and ask you to repeat words with "s" sounds ALL DAY LONG. 

- you tell us "god bess" and "in circles" each night before bed. 

- recently, you have been calling your dada "andur" for andrew and "mada" for amanda.  we obviously prefer you calling us mama and dada, but hearing you say our names is pretty darling. 

- everytime we pass the park you inquire about the duckies.  are they "sheepin" you wonder?  you promptly follow up your inquiries with a "wack wack."  your duckie impression is somewhat hilarious.

- playing with stealing toys is how you spend your time at the pool.  you gangsta like that. 

- every time i say "ouch!" you ask me "toe?!?"  most often, i have indeed stubbed my toe.  

- you know the past and present of the verb "to get."  we love it when you use it in the correct context.  get it.  got it.  good. :)

- using the keys to unlock the front door is among the thousands of grown-up things you want to do yourself.  now if we could just get the whole going potty on the toilet thing down...

- we've had to tape your bedroom light switch to off because you are a night owl and could stay up playing in your room with the light on all night if we let you.

- you say "shit" instead of "sit" so when you ask mama to sit in public people often raise a brow or two. 

- your favorite restaurant is chipotle.  but how could it not be given the fact that it's our second home. 

as you can see, stella bear, you are barrels of fun to be around!  26 months suits you.  

love, your mama

dear stella // expert button pusher

dear stella, 

so i want to tell you about our trip to the doctor's office last week.  it was for my 23rd week baby appointment and you tagged along in your darling blue jean overalls.  they just happen to be your favorite thing to wear these days, aside from a swim suit or just a diaper when we are loungin' at home.  

when it was time to listen to your brother's heartbeat, you reached your arms up high, wanting to sit on my lap.  i scooped you up and laid back on the table, putting you on my legs right next to my belly.  our doctor then asked if YOU wanted to help her push the button and listen to baby boy.  eagerly, you said "yeth" with the most adorable lisp, and extended your finger.  you calmly pushed the button, and with your big, beautiful, brown eyes, you watched her move the wand across my belly.  when we heard baby boy's little "thump thump thumping" you smiled and gave the most darling growl of satisfaction.  and then you hiccuped!  and you will never believe what happened next.  your brother started to hiccup, too!  i am not kidding around, little one.  there i lay in the doctor's office with both of my babes hiccuping away with one another.  we all could not help but laugh.  you guys are totally in sync and i adore it.  

this letter is just a mere example of how helpful you have been to your mama.  you are always happy to put something in the washer, straighten your art station, put puppa's leash on the door, and play clean up, clean up in your room.  you sing, "neeeen up! neeeen up!" as you do this as your organize and such.  it will never get old, this sweet song of yours.  

i could go on and on but i think you get the picture.  once your baby brother gets here, you will be like a little mama bird to him i just know it.  we will tackle diapers as a team and become swaddling pros.  i cannot wait to embark on this adventure with you, my wee helper.  thank you for all you do for me each day.  i could not ask for a better gal to kick it with.   

love, your mama

dear stella // you are two, my darling!

dear stella, 

happy birthday my darling girl!  

here is the story of the night you were born.  'twas a humid evening two years ago.  the best night of our lives, where you changed everything for the better. 

...two years ago today we were in the middle of moving to the peaceful plaza from our downtown apartment on central street amid the hustle and bustle of busy downtowners.  there were boxes of all sizes everywhere piling up in our new home, pictures yet to be hung, and chaos, or so it seemed, lurking around every whitewashed corner.  moving is never fun until everything has found its new home, and your mama likes everything done "right now!"  being very pregnant i had to be patient, and boy was it difficult for me!  your dad and i had plans that evening and strict orders from my ob doc. to "take it easy" since i had been having pretty bad braxton hicks contractions ever since the start of our big move.  they got so bad that i frequented the nurses office at work where she greeted me with a quiet bed and blanket as if i was a student.  nurse jackie helped me so much!  so no more lifting boxes and no more strenuous evenings spent unpacking.  

to relieve some stress we planed on a little date: dinner and a movie.  so classic of us.  this was our go to combination before you came into our lives.  now we stream movies online and get carry out for a treat.  to be honest, it's more fun this way getting to cozy up at home with you by our side.  you never want to miss a beat, little one! 

after seeing bridesmaids (which you HAVE TO see my dear with all of your girlfriends one night during a wild and crazy slumber party) and laughing so hard it felt like i was going into labor IN the middle of the theater, we decided on a burger from one of our favorite local joints across the street.   

side note to fellow readers: if you ever find yourself out and about on the plaza, hop over to blanc for some truffle fries and a kobe burger.  i'm drooling as i type this...it's that wonderful.

mid bite in my big ol' burger i felt what can only be described as peeing my pants.  over.  and.  over.  and then over again!  how embarrassing.  this occurred outside, thank heavens, on their front patio.  i am sure i left an alarming puddle below my chair.  i never thought to look because i was enjoying my burger.  obviously.  but i did look up at your father, my eyes widening in disbelief, and told him that i just peed mah shorts!!  yes, my little white shorts were soaked stella.  i literally thought your strong feet must be kicking my bladder.  but like the good eater i am, i continued and finished my meal, licking the salt off of my fingers after each bite.   those fries are just too good to waste. 

your dad and i did exchange a few, "ya think this is it?" words, and some, "could this be the real thing??" glances before walking home (uphill 2 blocks north and 3 blocks east) with newspapers covering my front and behind that we picked up along the way.  i was one hot mess and tried not to make eye contact with anyone as we i waddled back to privacy to figure out if i was in fact in labor.  i was. 

after getting home and talking with the doctor, we were in the car with a very disheveled hospital bag prepared so lovingly by your dad, and that's when the labor pains started to hit me with full force.  they were strong and knocked me down just about every time.  you sure know how to make your presence known, little one! 

let's talk about this hospital bag your dad packed all by himself in about ten minutes, shall we?  your sweet father had carefully prepared a skirt for me to wear during delivery in his panicked state of packing for us.  he picked out my black stretchy pencil skirt from the business side of my closet, and assured me that he remembered the doctor saying i "could wear a skirt during delivery if i so pleased".  

i think there was a bit of confusion mixed with delusion as he recounted this little fact to me.  i could not believe he thought i would deliver you in a skirt!  i remember laughing on the way to the hospital at the mere thought of me on a bed, legs spread, in a pencil skirt, having a baby. your dad thought he was being super helpful.  he thought he was ahead of the game, prepping his wife for delivery.  your dad would do anything for us.  you need never to forget that.

in reality, i wore a standard light blue hospital gown with tiny flowers and got a epidural during a wild tornado siren as my bed faced the far corner of the wall.  and to be honest, i was a tad scared because i had to face the shot all by myself.  i really do not care for needles.  

this was the evening of the joplin tornados, stella.  i will tell you about this one day.  

from that point on, your dad was there by my side every step of the way, coaching me and helping me through the pain.  after only one hour of pushing (praise jesus) and playing tug-o-war with my nurse and a bed sheet, you stella vivienne, came into our lives with a faint and hoarse cry.  you were five pounds and seventeen ounces of pure sweetness.  because you was a preemie (5 weeks early!) i never got to hold you right away.  that part stung a little, as you can imagine.  i remember not taking my eyes off of you as they measured, weighed, and looked you over from head to toe.  you were so beautiful.  so perfect.  before i had a chance to process what was going on, they wisked you away for testing in your new home for the next few weeks, the NICU.  your dad went with you to make sure you were going to be alright.  he did not leave your side, just like he stayed right by mine during delivery.  he talked with all the doctors and came back to fill me in.  he was very strong for us that evening.

throughout the course of the next few hours, i was in a daze.  i could not believe i have just given birth to you so early.  i kept feeling my stomach, your first home, and felt a void.  a void i was not prepared for.  i wanted to hold and see you so badly.  i missed you and i felt confused by the medical terminology presented by the doctors at four in the morning.  i hated the pressing down of my stomach every half hour, a heavy reminder that you were not in there.  

i teared up at the thought of you struggling to breathe on your own, with numerous wires and tubes connected to your tiny body.  i had so many questions.  too many fears.  and not enough sleep.  it was the hardest thing i have ever done, and yet it has made me a tougher woman.  but through all of this pain, i want you to know i felt a love so strong for you it trumped all my fears and squandered my swelling sadness.  it grew in me by the minute as i waited to see you.  to hold you.  to touch you.  

my love for you was the only thing i felt absolutely sure of that morning.  it was the only thing that was true and honest end unconditional.  a mama's love always wins.  no matter what.

in the end, you recovered amazingly well.  your dad read the little engine that could to you over and over from the rocking chair beside your bed.  we could tell you loved it, and even gave it a new name, the little stella that could.  your nurses helped you write us little notes, updating us about your first baths, large poops, and all your triumphs that went on during evenings when we could not be there.  after a few days, we even got to welcome you into our arms.  that was truly the best moment ever. i will never forget it. 

i even got to eventually feed you in my arms, feeling your warm, fuzzy, tiny body nuzzle up to chest.  i longed for that special moment for so long while you were healing.  when i was finally able to hold and feed you in that NICU rocking chair i never wanted to leave.  sometimes on the rare occasion, the nurses let me hold you for a little longer than was required.  they could see the longing tears in my eyes, and with smile, they would close the curtain to let me breathe you in.  the rebel in me hoped they would never come back and let me nap with you all afternoon. 

i wanted to hold you forever in those fleeting moments, and tell you i will always protect you.  so i did.  as your mama, i sang to you and whispered that i would always be there for you.  you were just so small and fragile.  so tough and brave.  such a fighter.  a lover.  the same little girl we know now.  you have not changed one bit. thank heavens. :) 

after a little over two weeks in the hospital, you got to come home with us.  bringing you home was a dream.  getting to show you your new room was surreal.  snuggling with you in our bed was better than all of my christmases put together.  ...and i really love christmas.  it was so wonderful having you with us, at home, where you belonged.  

although your birth story didn't really go as we had planed in our minds, it made us such a strong unit.  nothing, little one, usually ever does go as you would originally want it to.  there are always curve balls and bumpy roads that lead to happy endings.  and there is always a reason for that.  

your father and i grew so close during those weeks when you were in the hospital.  we learned what it felt like to feel hopelessness and then unbreakable strength.  we learned how important it is to appreciate what we have and to lean on one another when we need support.  we learned how to love so hard until it hurt.  we would not change it for anything.  we are so blessed to have you and the way you came into our lives.  

this little family, you included, went through so much during that month of may.  being a mama to you has been the best part of my life.  it has brought me closer to your dad with each passing day, and is the reason i now see the ever important little things as truly beautiful and worth more than most give credit for.  you have taught me so much.  stella vivienne, i cannot believe you're two, honey.  i love you to the moon.  happy birthday! 

love, your mama 

dear stella // our little helper

dear stella,

i cannot get over this picture of you.  here you stand in the corner of your room in the apron your nana and papa brought you from italy.  you love playing all sorts of dress up these days, and this apron has been no exception.  actually, you look like a naked chef right about now, but i assure you there is a mickey mouse diaper on under there.

i adore this stage, my sweet little girl.  you are twenty months and eager to help mama whenever possible.  whether it is opening the laundry door, mixing pretend dinner ingredients with your wooden spoon, or closing the bottom cupboards in the kitchen, you love feeling included.  it warms my heart to see your proud little face light up with confidence after having lent a helping hand, which as of late, is all the time.  just this morning you brought your dada his brush and said, "dada!  dada!" as you placed it in his hand.  and for the record, how you know what brushes belong to your dada and which ones to me i'll never know.  you soak it all in, little one, and by all i mean gender specific brushes.  like, whoa. 

and believe it or not, you are at the perfect height for many of your preferred tasks, too!  i am used to those tiny fingers flushing the toilet about five times around bedtime, and for our piles of folded laundry to be "patted down" a bit vigorously.  such a good helper you are.  

i know that with each letter i write i gush about all you can do and how wonderful this stage of your life is, but i can honestly say that as you grow, it just keeps on getting better.

love, your mama

{ps. i am over here today on a valentine gift guide with some other fabulous gals.  if you haven't visited mon tarte, you need to.  you will love it.}

dear stella // you are a toddler now

dear stella,

it's been a few months since i have written you a letter.  so much has transpired since then and you have changed in so many ways.  it seems like over the course of these past few weeks you have lept many years forward in regards to your maturity and intellect and you've just been amazing your dada and i right and left.

here are few antedotes to fill you in:

on the day before thanksgiving your dada and i decided to take you to the park before nana and papa arrived.  i had been down the slide with you a few times before, but never had you gone by yourself.  after a few times sitting on our laps and practicing our best "weeees" and "whooooas" all the way down, you were bound and determined with your independent mind made up that you could handle this slide business all by yourself.  your mama, who would just happen to stand nervously close when you stepped up those stairs and across the bridge leading to that big-girl slide, decided to let you go as much as she wanted to hold that pudgy hand.  it was so neat to see you beam with pride and joy.  you sat down with the biggest grin and deepest belly laugh, before giving yourself a little nudge to slide down.  my sweet darling, we were so proud of you. 

and then there was that night we took you to a dinner party down the street to a friend's house.  on our way home, we bundled you up tightly so you wouldn't get cold.  what trooper you are, baby girl!  when we reached our welcoming front door, dada lifted up your stroller and took you up three whole flights.  you giggled and let out tiny screams of excitement the whole way up.  i don't blame you, it looked pretty fun.  your dada does pretty cool stuff like that, you know.  after getting you in your flannel jammies and all tucked in, you whispered something so precious and sweet that we now request you it at least ten times before closing your door.  you said, "nigh nigh," for the first time stella, and we melted.  

and wait, there's more...

one evening as you were putting your wooden blocks in a neat little row you started to hum "ba ba black sheep."  we didn't know where you had heard it or how your memorized it but you know it.  we now sing it every night and wait for you to chime in and sing along.  it goes something like, "bahh bath back see hmmm hmmm hmmmmm...."  i am going to record it and show it to you someday.

good gravy little peanut, you are growing up and are now a full blown toddler.  with each passing moment you seem to get wiser and more independent. you still have that feisty spirit of yours and are quite headstrong.  we sure love that about you.  and as much as i long for the moments when you need me for things, i really appreciate that you are finding your own and learning how to navigate this beautiful journey called life.  

love, 

your mama

dear stella // you are growing up, my love

dear stella,

oh sweet baby girl, you are hardly a baby anymore.  how and when did this happen?  i knew it was inevitable, but it came upon me so fast.  i do not feel very prepared, but i am doing my best.

guess what little one?  you have graduated from your very Midwestern mullet and now can sport a tiny bun!  it's too cute for words, really.  and you really enjoy reading (which makes your english teacher mama quite proud), running fast everywhere you go, and splashing around in the tub as the white clouds of bubbles transform into your new favorite toy.  

life, it seems, is one wild adventure and you sure know how to make the most of it.  i am eagerly learning this from you with each passing day.  lately, you have been concentrating deeply when doing many randomly cute things, such as organizing your puppa's dog food into a line on the kitchen floor.  and then there are days when, one by one, you place those tiny kernels of food into his bowl for dinner.  such a kind big sister you are.  

and let me tell you about this intense stare you have going on, girl.  those gorgeous hazel eyes of yours have a unique look about them, a look that can stop traffic, or so the saying goes.  i adore watching you open them widely, creating this serious gaze that gives off the impression that you are pondering life's mysteries. often times i try and assume what you are thinking about in that curious mind of yours.  are you reading my lips?  determining what to say next?  or, rather, thinking about swinging at the park?  that is, of course, your happy place.

i cannot forget to mention to you that you now can shake that decisive head of yours no AND yes.  yep.  you can tell your mama and dada just what you want with a little nod and it just melts us, even if you tend to tell us no more often than yes.  you can say "no," too, and well...that's fun in it's own way.

we are having a ball figuring out how to be the best parents to you.  this gig is constantly shaping us and presenting new challenges.  believe it or not, you can be quite a handful...and, ah hem, sassy.  but that's why we are here, to guide and direct your sails, kiss your knees when you fall, teach you how to be gentle when giving "hugs," and SO much more.  

i cannot wait to look back on this fleeting moment, when you were right smack dab in-between baby and toddler stella, for it's indeed one incredible time in all of our lives.  we are so very grateful for each and every moment.

love, your mama 

dear stella // eyes

dear stella, 

i love how you look at me, your mama, with those knowing eyes.  those eyes that are speckled and freckled with brown and blue and grey and green, ever changing.  like a rushing stream hugging rocks they glisten and sparkle and offer those within view quite a beautiful show.  those are the eyes that curiously and impatiently wait for me to turn the page.  to lick the spoon.  to open the door.  to run the bath.  to offer a bite.  such inquisitive eyes you have, my sweet baby girl.  

those are the eyes that follow me across the room, widening like a sunrise and blinking fast like the sudden drop of falling rain.  you can tell a story with those eyes.  a story full of hope and wonder, because that, baby girl, is how you see this world.  as if life were made of sugar, you always stick your tongue out to taste, and never fail to follow up with a discerning satisfaction reflected in those eyes as they squint and create the tiniest crinkle in your nose.

i love the way you look at life, baby girl.  so innocently, so passionately.  i love that you cannot sit on mama's lap for baby bounce at the library.  did you know you're the only baby in the room who cannot sit still for more than 30 seconds?  it's true.  ...but did you also know that you know how to light up that room with your endearing spirit by the way you smile with those eyes?  i am proud of you for that.  and i don't blame you for not sitting, there is just too much beauty in this world to explore.  

thank you for showing me how to be more patient and appreciative of the things in life i cannot control.  like your new obsession with running + screaming when running + screaming isn't always appreciated by everyone else.  you have given me a refreshing perspective on life by making the most out of little moments and by challenging to accept the fact that life is full of surprises.

i want you to always know that i encourage your independence and love that you roam around this wild life like a caged bird set free.  but as your mama, i also want you to know that i will always be ready for you to find your way home, back to our nest where i will protect and care for you.

i will also always be ready for that moment when your eyes will lock with mine in a time of need, when all you need is a warm body and a kind look of compassion that we both know can heal way more than any amount of chocolate or wine.  because that's what mama's do best.  they hug hard and they fill you up with love when you think no one else will, sometimes without even saying one word.  and when this life hits your hard in the face and flips you over on your back, your mama will be here to help you get up, wipe off that dirt, and to offer you an assuring look with her eyes that everything is going to be okay.

love, your mama  

dear stella // you call me "ma"

dear stella, 

you call me "ma".  

when you want another cheerio and when you're in the backseat of the car on the way to the market, you blurt out "maaaaa!" then "ma."  then "mom!!!"  you don't ever want anything, you just love saying this new word of yours.  

but, right now, you also call dada "ma" too.  hehe.  don't worry, he thinks it's pretty darn cute.  it reminds us of the book we read to you at night, "are you my mother?"  you are like the little bird calling everyone "ma" that you see.  

i pretend know that when you are saying it to me, you know the difference and that you are calling me by name. ;)

it's your first word.  you are starting to talk in your own little language that is full of very intentional head nods with a self-assured tone.  you know what you are saying and what you want, and expect us to understand.  i love that about you.

right now, baby girl, here are your words:

your puppy leon = "puppuppuppuppa"

paci = "beeegeeii"

bottle = "beeegeeii"

blanket = "beeegeeii" or "beee"

and then there's that little laugh/cry that you do when you see a said "beeegeeii" in sight.

you get so overjoyed that you almost cry out of excitement.   it's adorable and innocent and i can just hear the happiness in your tiny whimper of a laugh/cry.  you love your comfort objects.  your paci and that hot pink blanket.  only, that hot pink blanket, too.  that's the only one that can do the job.  they soothe you, baby girl, and make you feel safe.  

when we snuggle after a bottle late in the morning, it feels like heaven.  i know at this time i could be doing other things, like making the bed or sweeping the floor, but i always take a few moments to cherish what it feels like to have you in my arms.  it's the best feeling ever, for in that moment, i am your comfort object.  your "ma" is the only thing you need to feel safe and happy and restful.  this feeling could possibly never get old. 

it makes me feel pretty darn special, too.  just remember, i am always free for a snuggle. 

love, your ma

dear stella // my first mother's day

dear baby girl & my sweet stella,

have you ever wanted to shout something from a mountain top loud enough for all the world to hear?  have you ever felt so full of love for something, you felt as if you were about to burst at the seams?  have you ever felt like there isn’t a word, a saying, or even a language, that can come close to expressing the way you feel about something?  there is just so much to say, so much that i feel.  

just. so. much.  where do i begin?

let me start by saying that sweet little you, plus your amazing dada of course, are my world, my happiness, my everything.  you guys are my rocks, my constants, and my compasses pointing me in the direction to all that is good in life.

when it's just the two of us, i mean your dada and i, we make a pretty darn good team.  we have such a strong, beautiful, always & forever bond; however, now with you in our lovely lives, we are more than a team of two following our dreams and creating adventures, we are a something so much more...something more complete...  

with you in our lives we are a little family!  a little family that i simply adore to the moon and back, infinity times over, times a gazillion, with a cherry on top.  and sprinkles, too.

us without you is like:

shoes with no laces

                      a nerd with no braces

asentencewithnospaces

;)

it's mother's day weekend, my very first stella baby, and thinking about being your mama makes me feel lots and lots of adjectives...but these select few take the cake:

* proud, lucky, over-joyed, and thankful *

...thankful for every pea thrown on the floor at dinner time, and for every splash of water you get outside of the tub during baths. 

...thankful for the fact that when you hear mr. leon bark you whisper, "puppa...puppa" quietly underneath your breath, and for being a sweetie and sharing your dinner with him, too.

...thankful that you are a lover of books like your mama, and for lifting the flaps on those peekaboo pages, even if when you lift them you do so in a destructive manor.

...thankful for that little squeal you make when we play the chasing game, and simply for making me laugh everyday.

...thankful for splashing in leon's water bowl, and for playing dominos with the bottom shelf of our books.     

...thankful for every bite mark of the corners of your books, and for that turbo-charged crawl you do when you see me walk through the babysitter’s front door after a long, hard day at work.

...thankful for nestling in my neck when we rock in your nursery, and for clapping after we sing a song together with your dancing puppy. 

dear heavens, baby girl, i ever so am thankful!

and amazed...by your kindness, your thoughtfulness, your curiosity, and your feisty spirit.  you celebrate life in such a way that makes me feel like the happiest person in the world to know you, let alone help raise you.

every. single. moment. of. every. single. day.  i am amazed.

amazed that you, beautiful little girl, are mine, and that i am yours, too.  we will always have each other; you forever part of me, and i of you.  a bond unbreakable and unwavering.

and i am blessed to be your mama and i love you so much.  a love more than words.  a love stronger than even strength embodies. 

you are my gift this mother’s day, and for all the mother’s days to come.  and i want to thank you so much, for everything, big and small.  thank you for bringing me closer to your dada, something i didn't even know was possible, and for seeing the beauty in the little things.  you are truly amazing.  

love always & forever in circles, your mama xoxo

ps. happy mother’s day weekend to all you mamas out there.  enjoy your special day, you deserve it!