on hunger and meeting my mister

here's the tale of how i met my mister.  met as in last night, mere hours ago, while it's fresh in my mind and i'm sitting here still feeling like a frivolous school girl.


we switched it up and changed our pace.  the change in our date night evening drifted from our usual rushed polka set to barnyard hoedown throw down, into the beautiful glide of a calming waltz, accompanied by bach and harps.  lots of harps.  that is how we started our evening, or so it felt.


he did not come home right after work; rather, we met there.  there, as in an intangible place in one's heart and mind, but and also an actual location, one with food...


before i bathed the babe, walked the dog, fed the babe, and welcomed the sitter{s}, i got dressed.  laid out on my bed were two items that whispered nostalgic nothings in my ear:  strappy  heels + summer citron skirt.  this was the outfit to meet my mister in.  


as i pulled out of the driveway, all was waveless.  i felt as if i was looking out on to a sea of glass, only to be reminded that it was in fact the ocean by the slow and gentle pull of the placid water towards shore.  the glitter of bubbles reflecting from the sun's rays gave it away.  but in reality, in the middle of this country and nowhere near the spray of sea salt, i was looking at the hot, black pavement.  both dangerous yet soothing forces, the road and the sea.  regardless of the metaphor, i felt peaceful and assured, in a comforted sort of way.  as if i knew what lay ahead because i had already made up my mind that tonight would be wonderful.   


i couldn't recall what he was wearing.  that was part of the thrill.  part of the mystique.  the excitement.  and part of the longing we had to go back in time.  that zestful yearning to feel silly while longing to remember, only for a bit, what it was like when it was just us two.  back when i always met my mister.  


just for a bit now,  ya hear?


just like we used to do, before marriage, before baby, before bills, back when we both drove saturns and got report cards.  the anticipation of seeing him waiting there for me filled with a feeling i have not felt in so long left me hungry.  yes, in an appetite sort of way because i could always eat a horse, but hungry in another way, too.  a much more important hunger that seeped into my being beyond my stomach.  in that moment, i had this voracious appetite to be enclosed in a world where two sets of eyes were locked and where worry was cast aside.  hungry for us time, without the heavy baggage of guilt and regret.


i haven't felt that hungry since, ever.  we haven't had a proper date without feeling contrite {on my part} since ever, too.  ever is a long, long time, you know.


so i met my mister.  we dined, we drank, we shared, we smooched, and we dreamed.  together.  in that bubble, our bubble, until hunger subsided and rapture filled our hearts.


3 hours after having met, another kind of hunger started forming deep within.  we longed to smell that sweet, familiar scent, to feel that soft, strong clutch around our necks, and to see the truest form of ourselves combined in one sweetly innocent babe.  we missed our stella.


so we went home and appreciated life, and our marriage, and our family, feeling rejuvenated and happy.  as i closed my eyes and felt my body sink into the mattress, the hunger was gone.