a very honest mother's day

i'll be honest.  i was stressed this past mother's day.  i think that most mother's feel obligated to say they are just super thankful and happy and worry-free on their claimed day, but i strongly believe in allowing myself to feel and express myself truthfully.  by no means i am unthankful.  good heavens, no!  i am a blessed woman and well aware of it.  god has shown me grace and given me the opportunity to mother the most beautiful babies.  but on this particular day, mother's day, my mind was somewhere else.

as you may know, we have bought a home, are moving in one month, and need to sell our current one.  we are not in a position to maybe sell our current home.  we need to sell it.  and that pressure behind the word need is not my favorite.  i feel as though everything is happening rather quickly, leaving my mind in a state of distress.

there's the whole trying to keep a clean home while living in said home and mothering all day long in said home.  its akin to living in a glass house i suppose.  don't get that dirty.  don't draw on the walls today, please.  should i cook a messy meal tonight or do we just order in?  are those people going to show up on time like they said they would?  i wonder if anyone is going to call today?  while on one hand i am overjoyed to be moving into our forever home the financial burden looming if we do not sell our current one is just too much to bear.  it is hard to get too ahead of myself and dwell on our new home while we still live here.  this conundrum has brought forth anxiety and to my disappointment i've been on edge.  all of this uncertainty has welled up inside, turning me into someone i don't really recognize.

a worrier.  

people keep telling me to keep my chin up and that god will help our family but frankly, time is not on our side right now.  i know living in fear is not the answer and i know that i can pray and pray and pray but will praying really make someone buy our home?

i need to believe that it will and have faith.  but gosh.  that is just so hard, isn't it?

i remind myself all the time that hundreds of thousands of people are in the same situation as we are right now.  that brings a bit of comfort...knowing that we are not alone in our struggles.  as i drive down the road my eye is a fierce magnet for signs that scream "house for sale" or "for sale by owner".  you know that weird phemononom when something comes into your life for the first time you start to notice it everywhere?  so that's happening.

given all of this, i really did my very best to dwell on my blessings on mother's day.  by babies.  the two little humans in my life who have made me a mother and are my most precious gift.  for they are my proudest accomplishment and everything i do, well it's for them.  even in the midst of this storm i need to remember the sunshine that are my children.  i need to make an effort to soak up their light so i can squander this darkness.

on mother's day, i really worked at keeping my focus on things that have enriched my life.  things that i ought to be celebrating.  i kept reminding myself that in challenging seasons of our lives we grow.  frustration and failure and disappointment and angst teach us how to be better.  a better mother, wife, friend, daughter, human.  it is in how we deal with our challenges that illuminate our true colors.  as mothers, let us not feel pressure to suppress how we feel.  rather, let us be honest with ourselves and others about our feelings so we may learn express them in ways that allow for positivity to creep in.  that lesson alone is so important and one i want my babies to learn by my example as their mother and their forever teacher.