4.19.2012

the recent realities of date night as new parents

Photobucket

date night: a special evening on any given night of the week, where just the two of you, sans kiddos, eat an overpriced but equally delicious meal you did not have to make, nor will you have to clean up.  worth it?  always. 
before having our little lady, this thing called ‘date night’ was pretty easy to manage.  heck, every night might as well have be date night; that’s how carefree and spontaneous we were {and could be} when it was the two of us.  to be honest, we have really not been too fond of the fact that we now have to plan and carve out ‘us time’ to go on said date.   we often talk about how we dislike an evening that feels too forced.  i mean, let’s face it, sometimes planning can take the fun out of things {said by a person who usually craves spur-of-the-moment activities!}.
we have talked about our feelings regarding date night, have came to some understandings, and now know what we need to do, which is: put our optimistic pants on and accept the fact that life can’t always be impulsive when you have a wee one.  so we took on a 'plan and carve we must and most definitely will do' attitude!
with my mama being in town, we decided to take advantage of this rare opportunity for a sitter and go out on a date!  we headed to our favorite food areas in kansas city called westport.  lucky for us, this eclectic and always charming neighborhood is a only a few cobblestone blocks away.  while making our way to the boot, a quaint italian café, we spotted our dear friends.  what a wonderful surprise!  we joined them for a cocktail before heading down the street to pot pie for dinner.  pot pie is an enchanting little gem of a restaurant offering unique drinks and always satisfying entrées, and their famous pot pie, of course.  i adore how this little bistro is set up, with its tiny wooden tables side by side, vintage apothecary vases, fresh flowers, and whimsical chalkboard menu.  if you are from kc, try it, you must!
after we ordered and ate the mussles, which in my opinion are the best in kansas city, an uneasy feeling started to settle in my tummy and the brick walls...started...to...shift.  as the server placed my meal in front of me, i recall seeing about 10 fuzzy scallops instead of 4.  ...then I remembered taking my cold medicine at work around 3...  crap.  crap.  crap.  long story short, my husband was amazingly understanding and we got our dinners to go.  i could not help but feel i was the cause of this weighted disappointment resting on our shoulders, seeing as we did not get to eat our meals at the restaurant {one of the main concepts of date night}, nor did we get to go to the baseball game we had tickets for after dinner. 
so the reality was, we needed to go home, get into our jammies, and be that couple that goes to bed before 9 pm.  was this really happening?  i could not help but think that a part of me, maybe just a tiny part, just wanted to be home under the same roof as our daughter.  the cold medicine + one cocktail was an awful and uncomfortable combination initiating my feelings of discomfort, but was there some 'parent anxiety' behind these feelings that impatiently nagged at me to get home?  hmmmm?    
our finally planned date night was good while it lasted, which was not very long.  i just hope it will get easier for us over time.  tell me, what do you guys do for date night?  and, have you ever felt these difficult 'date night realities' as new parents?

16 comments:

  1. absolutely adore this post! i am sure that date night can be something few and far between with the little lady now, but sometimes it makes those date nights even that more special! :)
    xo TJ

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ohh date night...i look forward to the next one! thanks for stopping by girl :)

      xo, amanda

      Delete
  2. Yes.Yes, and yes. Every time my husband and I go out I long to be back at home with my little man. I know how important they say it is to get that breather but for me it is really hard. I just miss him. It's something that we're working on-- because it is important to have that couple time to just focus on eachother. But, that being said-- it doesn't make it any easier.

    I'm in the same boat momma!

    kendall
    songbirdsandbuttons.blogspot.com

    PS: I'm so sorry you got sick! :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If feels SO good to know I am not alone in this. I mean, I want to go out on a date with my man, but I just feel like going back and snuggling with my little one once I leave!! I'm sure it will get easier for us both :)

      Happy Almost Weekend!

      xo, Amanda

      Delete
  3. we have a 3-year old and 2-year old and date night is once a month. we have been trying to get out more, but it is so expensive and difficult with our schedules. i have to be honest and say that the non-stop exhaustion slows me down more than anything else. we will have a nice dinner and a glass of wine and i am ready to be at home, jammies, and bed by 9pm at the latest. our kids go to bed at 700pm. i miss us. i miss spontaneity. i miss feeling good. yesterday, we randomly had 45 minutes to spend together and we took a walk around the neighborhood to enjoy the sunshine. it was the most fun i've had in a while. parenting is really, really hard--even in the best situations. we just continue to adapt to our circumstances. now that summer approaches, maybe more date nights? i hope so! good luck!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you for your thoughtful comment, mama! i love the idea of just taking a low key walk and not putting SO much pressure on date night. and hopefully summer = more date nights :) i think it is so common to feel the "i miss us" feeling and it is not a good one. we just need to make more time for our loves and for time set apart for each other. it's a work-in-progress but we will both get there!

      xo, amanda

      Delete
  4. We actually had a date night on Tuesday. It was great! Mexican and margaritas! However I missed my little girl like crazy and to be honest I've been sleeping on the hardwood floor next to her crib since she's not used to it! Hope your feeling better!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aww, Liz you are adorable. Ella is so lucky to have you as her mama :)

      xo, Amanda

      Delete
  5. I totally feel your pain! We have a 2 year old, and we've probably averaged one date per year since he was born. And the dates are not nearly as fun as they were before. But you know what? This is just a season, and we'll be sad for it when it's gone. I guess every phase as a family has it's sweet vs. sour parts!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i love, love, love that you say that this is just a season. what awesome perspective you have. thank you, mama!

      xo, amanda

      Delete
  6. Thats too bad about the cold medicine and cocktail combo! My son is 10 months, and we've managed to go on some pretty good dates over the past few months. I definitely agree with you on the spontaneity, though. It's much more fun, for me at least, to just decide randomly to go for sushi at 9pm on a Tuesday. Sadly, I think those days are behind me for awhile. As someone else said, it's just a phase that I know I will miss one day! I'll trade random sushi dates for chasing my little guy up the stairs any night! I tagged you in a Blog Award if you feel like playing along:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know exactly what you mean about wanting to be with your little one versus eating out on a date. I want to have my cake and eat it too!! I think it will get easier for us...it will just take time! Thank you for your thoughtful comment, girl :)

      xo, Amanda

      Delete
  7. I hate when an evening out feels forced. I don't have any children but my friends have said it's very very hard to leave, expecially in the first years. I have been out with them and all they can say is, "I miss my little one!"

    http://jimpricute.blogspot.ca/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. it's so hard to shake that feeling as a new parent!! thanks for dropping by, girl :)

      xo, amanda

      Delete
  8. you literally have cutest blogx1000.

    i really really adore date night. but to be honesty, i worry that when we have babies that it will be really hard. i really respect you guys for still taking time for each other.

    happy weekend friend!
    xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thanks, nicole! so sweet of you to say. as far as date night goes, i suppose we get props trying!!! oh, and i just started following your blog and love all the detail you have put into it. :)

      xo, amanda

      Delete