my sunday journal

i feel like with the start of each new summer season comes a strong sense of urgency.  i have always thought they went hand in hand.  two peas in a pod: summer and rushing about.  i mean, i made a summer bucket list to accommodate my invisible and impatient friend, as if i need a list to complete everything.  

which i do, by the way.  in regards to needing a list.  or maybe that's all in my head.  

regardless...

it's like i need to live all "ready, set, go!" because my sweet summertime will indeed come to a close.  somewhere along the lines, i have instilled within me a sense of rushing about this humid season.  my fun-tock ticking down boldly, and rather rudely, if i do say so myself.   

but alas.  things are a changin' indeed.  just like the size of my budding belly, so is my perspective on summer. 

i have felt more calm as of late.  by as of late, i mean just within the last few days.  i am pretty new to the feelings i am writing about, so bear with me.  the pressure to do do do has subsided a bit, leaving me with time.  precious time to relax, refocus, and reorganize everything in my home.  just because.  and it's been lovely.  i even ate an entire mango on the floor of stella's room in nothing but my lounge pants one afternoon.  i recall it was in the afternoon and i had not even thought about showering yet.  it felt glorious.  

i know the pressure of squeezing every last drop out of summer has resulted from my working around these sacred summer months in the past as a teacher.  as soon as those kids rode away on the bus, the countdown began.  and with it, an uncomfortable feeling of unavoidable panic.  

i need to fit it all in! 

it feels to good to be able to relish this time without constraints.  without the clock against me.  with more time to listen to my sweet girl crunch apples and make messes with her watercolors.  

so with my new outlook, i have taken up a sunday journal.  after we put stella to bed, i dug up my old van gogh notebook and found an empty page to start my scribbles.  on it, i have written a few things that i would like to accomplish throughout the week.  some of them are family adventures, some with just stella, and others are things i will look forward to do alone as my baby girl naps.  all of them are chosen quite deliberately.  

i have made my week's list of adventures small on purpose.  my journal has a narrow focus, leaving me with the least amount of pressure but heaps of gems to look forward to.    

tonight i picked up my recent kinfolk edition volume eight.  on page twelve, i was reminded of the bounty that awaits us at our local markets.  i was given the gentle push to can something new and spectaculary reminiscent of summer.  this realization took me to my kitchen where i ran my finger along the row of my rather petite cookbook collection.

my eyes found the title i was looking for, a gift from my dear husband, and my index finger pulled the trigger on its' spine.  on page two hundred and fifty seven i found just the recipe i was looking for.  strawberry vanilla jam.  doesn't that sound heavenly?  i think i have a few vanilla beans hiding about somewhere in my pantry.  reading bits and pieces of these two books lead me to journaling, which lead me to a fresh perspective.  

how wonderful is that.  sometimes (basically, all the time) it pays to turn off the tv and grab a book or two.  

as i sipped my steaming cup of honey water,  i journaled away some things i would like to do for the week.  shakespeare in the park is going on just a few blocks north, and so awaits the kemper contemporary art museum.  i fear we are in the middle of what seems to be a heat spell, so stella and i shall take refuge there if we need a break from the sun.  the dog park made my list for leon.  he prefers it in the early morning.  and so did returning a few things to home depot.  that does in and of itself does not excite me, but money back on my debit card does.  :) 

at the end of my scribblings, i added the craft of pressing wild flowers.  a dear friend who is out of town gave us full reign of her garden.  i can't think of anything more wonderful.  there, i will have fun perusing her assortment of wild flowers, herbs, and strange lettuce varietals. i am all too excited to explore it this week. 

sunday has been good to me.  it has moved slowly and methodically, as all good sundays should.  it has given my soul much nourishment, and for that i am thankful.  i no longer feel the need to rush.  there is no longer the invisible push at my back, making me feel inadequate if all i manage to accomplish for the day is a clean load of laundry.  for it has faded like a burning sunset.