ramblings of a self-proclaimed verb

today was a day where i felt like this.  yuck.  seriously you guys, i have been wearing my yellow shoes and eating chocolate eggs and smelling my flowers...but i'm still stressed.  i guess the best way to sum up how i have been feeling today is to use one word: overwhelmed.  

i had one of those life-lesson conversations with my middle school students today.  teachers out there, you know what i am talking about.  the build up of no-name papers, fill-in-the blanks left blank, review tests resulting in F's, a general lazy attitude, and the famous eye-roll had me up to here today.  most days as a teacher are indeed quite wonderful, but let me tell you, it is not an easy job.  not.  at.  all.  many hours are spent teaching kids how to "do school," and how to be respectful to their peers and teachers.  sadly, this leaves little quality instruction time and more time helping parent and coach and pick up the pieces as best we know how.  it really takes a village.  uh oh, i see myself getting off on a tangent, so let me bring you back to today.

today i talked with my students about the importance of effort & hard work and the many ways it can pay off in life.  we also talked about the value in free education, of learning, and of having rich, meaningful discussions.  yadda yadda yadda.  but by the end of said talk, it was as if nothing i had said had meant a thing.  i was left with a room full of blank stares.  scowls even.  *sigh*  "but i just want to change the world, make a difference, and help these kids understand how lucky they are to have teachers in their lives who really do care about them!"  so it was one of those days, where at 3:00 pm...i felt like an epic failure; like i am having no impact whatsoever.  let me tell you, this feeling is icky and i flat out don't like it.  

on my way home, i remembered this quote by stephen fry i had came across last year when doing lesson plans for nouns and verbs.  this is more than a grammar lesson, folks!

"we are not nouns, we are verbs. i am not a thing...an actor, a writer..i am a person who does things...i write, i act...and i never know what i am going to do next. i think you can be imprisoned if you think of yourself as a noun."

this quote has been evoked all sorts of emotion within me today because i think we {definitely "i"} try so hard to find comfortable categories and lovable labels to associate ourselves with, thereby defining what noun{s} we are in life.  this can lead to serious feelings of anxiety and frustration, and even some serious guilt.  let me explain...    

the problem with this "i am a noun" thought process is that often times it can result into making us think that we are these secular "things" without room for growth and only room for failure.  this can limit our true potential and willingness to try to do new things or cultivate new interests.  by categorizing our lives into what we are can lead to an overwhelming sense of guilt and shame, if and when, what we are does not go right, like what happened today.  

say i have an off day as a "teacher" or "mama" or "wife".  a complete shite day let me tell you!  we all have them.  what happens then?  well, there is this feeling i get, maybe you do too, that because i am only these three things, a wife, and a mama, and a teacher, that i should be able to do these three things successfully.  easy translation: bad day in the classroom = bad teacher.  rough evening getting baby girl to sleep = bad mom.  not wanting to compromise on date night = bad wife. 

sounds depressing, huh?

sometimes thoughts like this do creep up into my brain, continuing on with hurtful blabber that sounds an awful lot like, "i am suuuuch a bad {mama, or teacher, or wife}."  this noun labeling is so dangerous and toxic, because in reality, we are not a bad ___________ if we hit a rough patch or heaven forbid bump in the road.  there should always be room for oopsies and uh-ohs because that's life.  how else would we learn?  i hear too often from too many people, i'm such a bad {noun} and that simply is not true!  i overheard a mama in target say the other day to the cashier when she realized she forget her baby's paci, "ughh i am such a bad mother!"  i feel like i need a loud-mouthed football coach to come and scream at she and i, "just because you act stupid, doesn't make you stupid!  capishe?!"

if we categorize our lives in terms of nouns, when something of what we are goes wrong, and you can bet your bottom dollar it will, we find it easy to internalize those feelings into elements of failure as a whole person, not as actions that didn't go as planned.  this leads to guilt and blah, blah, blah... {i hope i am making some sort of sense to you, but it is very possible that i am not.}  

so after reflecting on mr. fry's quote, i went on pinterest and found this little source of inspiration to boost my spirits:

 then this one...

and then this one, my favorite...

 i think by opening up our minds to the idea that we can do anything in life {but certainly not everything}, as opposed to being these nouns, we are able to better cope when something we do goes wrong.  there is no reason to live life with so much pressure.  life is messy and difficult.  not everyday is unicorns and rainbows, ya know?  just some ramblings on a tuesday night, but i'm curious if you have ever felt this way too?  perhaps to a slight degree?